I LOVE Wayne Brady

I love Wayne Brady. No, wait. I LOVE WAYNE BRADY!! I can't help it. He is my little secret crush. Of course, now that I'm confessing this on my blog, it's no longer a secret. But I love him. I love him so much. The day I heard he was divorced, I went out and bought a DRESS! Just in case.

I mean, look at him. Weird hairline aside, he just has that look that says, "I'm so sweet. You can bring me round yo momma and yo clients and they're gonna love me. Look at my smile. See how perfect my teeth are? I'm funny. I can sing. And I can throw you against the wall and choke you just a little bit as I rip off your blouse and proceed to make sweet love to you. Girl, you gone have to go natural cause I'mma sweat your perm out on a regular."

I know this was covered in that Chappelle Show skit, but you see, I been hip to his game since "Who's Line is it Anyway?" He was all energetic, and smart, and funny. But he had this look that said, "If I gotta dance one mo time for this dolla I'mma break Drew Carey's neck."

He was on Psych last night, and every time he came on screen I was like "I wanna be your boo thang!" But he didn't hear me. I keep plotting my trip to Let's Make a Deal, but my friends say they won't support my stalking. I plan to dress up as a marriage contract. I hope to win a romantic vacation for us.

Yes, please. Just a little. :-)

Oh Wayne Brady, I hope we get to meet one day soon! I am determined to sing sweet duets to each other. You feed me grapes. I'll trace your hairline lightly with my index finger. Or tongue. **shout out Big Brother Almighty(School Daze)**

Let's just promise to connect one day. Get to know one another. Show me that "other" side the public doesn't get to see. I'm ready. I'm really excited! I have a great dress for the occasion! :-)

I Can't Straighten My Arms

So I told you I went to a pole dance class on Saturday, right? I've been to a few before, so I knew what I was getting into. But this time, I decided to go to a new gym.

I don't know what I walked into! Where my old class was taught by a Cirque du Soleil-trained dancer, this class was taught by Brenda of the Boom Boom Room. That little white girl was poppin' it like she grew up in the heart Miami. Like her parents were Jamaican. Like her favorite lullaby was "Shake What Yo Mamma Gave Ya!!"

I learned moves that they didn't even teach at my Historically Black College. While I'm excited that I've finally learned how to "left cheek/right cheek," I don't quite know what to do with my newfound knowledge. What's worse is the class was mixed with beginners and near pros. So while I was struggling to hold on to the pole, someone was in front of me ready to collect tips!

See that girl in the back just holding on to the pole and jumping up and down? That's what I do best.

Ya'll pray for me. I gotta go practice my new skills.

Holla!

I Ain't Skurred!

I had an exciting day ahead. First a pole dancing class (that's a post for another day), then a movie, and a late lunch with some really cool peeps.

I finish up my class, open the door to the studio, and get ready to head to my car. But something is wrong. It's raining! And it's that steady, driving rain. That, "Oooh, I wish I was home snuggling" type of rain. I stood in the vestibule for a minute, realizing that I didn't have an umbrella or a jacket to put over my head.

And then it hit me. I can just WALK out in the rain! I forgot! I'm natural now! Joy! I don't have to panic. No need to try to shield a relaxed 'do from its only source of kryptonite. I can actually walk to my car. Even if my cute little fro gets wet, it will stay a fro! Who knew!

I felt like I knocked Joe Frazier down in the first round! I've been scared of the effects of water and rain on my head for 30+ years! Think I'm exaggerating? Ask the next black girl you meet if she will just walk in the rain for no reason. Go head. I'll wait.

"Oh no you didn't!"

Yeah. See. Shanaynay isn't even a real woman, and she understands!

I walked to the car, jumped in, and checked the rearview. Just as I thought, I was still the hotness. Fro still in tact! I ain't skurred of no rain!

SAD - Rainy Day Blues

Me and rainy days just do NOT get along!

It's like as soon as the sun dips behind a cloud, my mood just darkens too. I get sleepy immediately. No matter how well I slept the night before. I can trudge through the day with hopes that the following day will be sunny.

But if it's rainy for days straight? Oh no. It's not going to work. You know how Jesus rose on the third day? Well on the third day of rain I'm yelling "Crucify me! Crucify me!" I just wanna crawl into a hole and never come out. I start crying at commercials. Bawling at the slightest tease. Hugging strangers' babies. Es no bueno!

I've never been officially diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), but I totally believe I have it. It's one of the reasons I keep my home looking like Jamaica. No matter what the sun is doing outside, I have eternal sunshine in my home. It helps a bit. But sometimes, the only cure is to wait for the sun to come back out, and then soak it up for all its worth.

What Would Sabrina Soto Do? (WWSSD)

I am obsessed with HGTV. Like OBSESSED. I could watch it all day, every day. When my guy friend teased me, I explained that it's like my SportsCenter. It doesn't matter that they say the same things over and over again. It doesn't matter that they run the same clips. I MUST watch it.

Because of my incessant watching, I realized that I am handy. I can decorate and remodel my house anytime I want. And, no joke, I'm actually pretty good! Hey! I said no joke!

I am great with paint. I have at least five different paint colors in my house. Wait, no, six. My sister says my living room looks like Jamaica. She's got a point. It's bright yellow and bright orange and accented with lime green. I'm not afraid of color you see. Power tools, are a total different story though.

Recently, I had a crisis. My closet collapsed. It just gave up the ghost. All the clothes landed on the floor, and my poor closet system just hung limply from the wall. It looked like it fainted after a really good good Holy Ghost shout. I didn't know whether to lift it up, or sprinkle it with oil and pray.

So, I studied the issue and asked myself that all important question: "What Would Sabrina Soto Do?" See, Sabrina believes in me. She knows I can do anything I put my mind to! All I need is some power tools and a plan.

So I went to Home Depot and bought myself a drill, screwdriver and some closet brackets. I removed the old hardware, put on the new, hung my clothes up, and walked out the room feeling good and proud of myself. Just as I went to put up the drill, I heard a loud crash. I walk back in the closet, and not only has the entire shelf fallen again, but now, my pretty new bracket has gone THROUGH the wall! I got a 4-inch hole in my closet wall!!

At this point, I'm thinking, maybe Sabrina Soto wants me to hire professional help.

Coupons

Ok. For real. I think I can be an extreme couponer. Like, that day I saved $20 was a start. A chip of the tip of the iceberg. I know I can do even better if I try.

So, I've started buying Sunday papers. And my local paper has a "bundle" pack, so you get TWO papers at a discount.

Oh my Jesus! WHY did I see that. It was SO on! I went home with my two newspapers and I was so excited. I ripped into the coupon section and every ding dang coupon was for some crappy ass food item I've never heard of! And now I got TWO of each crappy ass food item!!! AAAAAAARRGGGHHHH!!!

So then, I end up cutting out coupons for stuff I always wanted to try, but never had the opportunity. Lawd WHY?! Why I do that. Now I'm spending money on stuff I don't even know if I like. At the end of my next shopping trip, I owed myself money!

Maybe I should give up. Maybe...

Ole!

So you know I was laid off.

I can't lie. I was super scared. I cried. Hard. I was worried I wouldn't know what I would do with myself. Honestly, much of my self-worth was tied up in my profession -- at least much more than I ever thought.

But after five months of being unemployed, I must say, I am truly happy. I've been able to share more moments with friends and family without guilt. Or best of all, without having to rush back to work!

As one of my dearest friends recently told me, "I like unemployed D. Not that you weren't a great friend before, but you're a much better friend now. You're just...present."

She was right. I am. I'm living in the now daily. I appreciate my home, sunny days with the windows open and tequila happy hours with my girls. Ole!

SNAP SNAP!!

Girlllll...I'm on food stamps. Food stamps. Me! Professional diva! SNAP card recipient.

OMG! This is the BEST thing EVER! I get so excited on the first of the month. I get to go to the store and pick out the food I want and then I buy it. For free! OMG!

Food stamps were the most embarrassing, yet greatest come up in my new situation. I literally cried in the checkout line at Tom Thumb when I went shopping the first time. (By the way, I totally dressed "down" and went almost near closing so no one would know I was using a SNAP card.) But my checkout girl was so cool. She let me know there was nothing to be ashamed of, then hooked me up with all kinds of coupons to boot! Joy!

Since that day, I cry no more! I am able to buy really great, fresh produce. (Why is fruit so ding dang expensive?!) I'm cooking more. And generally enjoying food lately. Interesting, huh? I'm also on a quest to become an extreme couponer like those people on that TLC show. I saved $20 on a recent shopping trip and literally danced a jig! A jig I tell you!! 

Yeah. Picture me rollin! :-)